Now, it’s just 7 days to 21 November, my 21st birthday. Yeah, I’m getting older and older. And I know that my friends know how old I am, even they are really happy to call me with the “Old” sobriquet. And they also know how unhappy I was that it reflects through my facial expression. But they keep calling me with that fuck shit sobriquet since I am older than them. I should have been in the 5th semester actually, but now I am just in the 3rd.
When we’re talking about birthday, then it must be connected with birthday wishes. I already prepared my birthday wishes, though I have no idea whether it would be coming true or just end miserably or being postponed until next year to be the next but same birthday wishes (If I still alive, of course). I already prayed for this same wish 2 years ago, at my 19th birthday, but nothing happened, for real. Then I continued to spell the same prayer in the next year at my 20th birthday, but again, nothing happened. And in this year, the wish will also be the same, and my expectation for this is even greater than before. And I believe that God must hear my prayer. But why didn’t he grant it? It just so damn easy for him to make it come true, but why? I am craving for it, really. Oh please dear God, I’d like you to help me to make my wish come true. Please don’t cause any disappointment to me again, since I already got such some big pain in my past, in my teenager life, that I believe only 0.00001 percent of all the people ever alive in this world have it during their teenager time (for both unpleasant accident ever happened to me). So, please, I want God to give a little compassionate to me to be redemption as what happened in the past.
Every one must dream of happiness, and so I am included. Maybe everyone think that I am the kind of person who have a big spirit, energetic, joyous, and what so ever, and so does my mom also have the same perception. Compared with my elder sister and younger brother, my mom would think that I am her child who has the biggest spirit and that’s why I have the most achievement that my siblings don’t. But actually, I’d rather choose to be an average person who never had such achievements, but lucky in life, and always have happiness surround it day by day, love, and life peacefully. I mean I always try to do my best to myself and others as well. I always try to give such kindness to others, avoid hurting others’ feeling, but those kind of happiness never return to me, not yet. So I make a conclusion that I won’t care to others’ feeling again. And I will just think about myself. Based on what I saw, there are some people that is bad, I mean have bad personality, selfish, never thought before they speak, but they can get a happiness, even they always happy. Even, neither they are smart, talented, or something, but they are just surrounded by luck. I really want to be that kind of person, cause in the end they’re always happy. Is it what everyone dreams upon their life?
And by the way, why should I type this in English? Actually I am so damn tired both speaking and writing in English. (Not tired actually, because if I wrote tired it will show that I have no capability to do it). But I am just bored with English language, even I am an English teacher, and almost all of my friends think that my English skill is more expert than them (since we are in a country that use English as our 2nd language). I want to communicate with other language; I am so damn bored with it!
At the end, I still have the same prayer at my birthday and will continue to hope and pray for it. So, please…..